My updated blog is on another platform. Its address is varabyways.org.  I have posted letters for Mica on the other platform. 

This is for Mica, but he won’t get this on Facebook, I am blocked. I’m publishing a blog at varabyways.joomla.com where I’ll reprint letters, and continue to write about Espe and Mica.  

Mica—You said that you chose this name after the hard shiny flakes often found in rivers. You said that I had failed to talk to you about suicide when you were in high school.

So now I’m  writing about suicide and my fear that you may feel you have lost too much. I believe that you may no longer have Buffy with you.  The choices you are making, or being led to make, frighten me. Do you have any friends you trust? Are you alone? Maybe you believe that you cannot affect change. Let’s talk. Come visit me and let’s sit together. You have a wonderful mind. I’ll help you find someone you can talk to, if you like, if it’s not me. I know you thought I was too slow finding help for you in high school, but I was, as ever, following another’s advice. I’m sorry. Use your mind to trust in this pragmatism—“Life can be worth living even with painful events in it.”

Mica—I love you, I accept you any way that you are. I miss you. I’d like to see you and hear you talk as you used to do. I’m truly sorry for any of the times I said “shush” to you when I was on the phone, or stressed about work. I do not believe you intended any of this. I do not believe you want this suffering or this silence. Come home and I’ll make sure there’s fruit for you, or those chocolate covered empowering blueberries you loved. 

You are the protagonist in your story. Make it what you want it to be. All else out there is just fluff.