Jameson, in 2022,  is going by the name of Rafael Mellifera.  He may still identify as male. He also wears dresses. Espe appears to be Phoenix Mellifera, and may identify as a young male child. They may live with a 42 year old trans woman named Nica Mellifera. She was known as Toby Fee.  I'm going to refer to Jameson and Espe and Rafael and Phoenix in this post. 

When I told my mom that Rafael had called the police, she called Phoenix and left a message, furious that I had been treated that way.  A few days before I visited the town of Shirley on Long Island, Scott and I received a phone call and an email from someone named Reggie, who said that the apartment leased by Phoenix and Rafael was abandoned and that rent had not been paid since May.  She said that furniture was left there and that the apartment was filthy. She said they had not received any communication from Phoenix or Rafael, that the last time she had heard from Phoenix was last year when Phoenix had written to ask if they could have a bulldog. Reggie said she wrote back that bulldogs were not allowed. Phoenix's request for a bulldog was sent in October 2017 several months after she married Rafael, and just after she returned from England where she had attended a training session for her new job with a British owned camera company, and just before I sent the money to purchase plane tickets for Christmas.   

Since there’s so much reality “bending”, sometimes I wonder if this too was a scam as Phoenix told the police. Maybe it was simply another way to acquire some illicit income. 

So Scott phones and emails Rafael's father, Sam Ortiz,  and mother Denise Ortiz. He receives no answer. He tries to reach Phoenix, and Rafael.  I did not call because I had no hope of reaching anyone. I had sent an email to Rafael's parents earlier in the year expressing my confusion with Rafael’s angry letters and Phoenix's lack of contact with us and I had not received a reply from either.  I was blocked from Phoenix's phone (on Rafael's account), although Phoenix could call me on Scott's phone, and I did not want to receive any more malicious texts from Rafael, so I did not try to reach anyone. Instead I bought a plane ticket.

I wanted to see the apartment and the furniture that had been left behind— a red sofa that was big enough to be a twin bed, and soft, that had been in our bedroom for our children whenever they needed to be near us because we lived in a sprawling suburban home, and the master was “on main” which meant that they slept upstairs with a baby monitor. We had a large king “family bed” and a crib for our youngest in our bedroom too.  In the photos Reggie sent to us, there also was the blue chair Scott and I had bought with gift money from my grandmother. And the small “whatnot” shelf my brother made for me when he was in boy scouts and I wanted a shelf like the one in “Little House on the Prairie”. This shelf had been in Phoenix's room during the 10 years we lived at our second sprawling suburban home near Atlanta.  It was 4 ft high polished yellow pine. It held tea cups and a faded green plastic frog.  

When we moved to a smaller house, our third suburban home and 4th house, after Phoenix and Mica had left for college during Walt’s last year of high school, we did not have room for all the furniture so we put it in storage to share with the children as they moved into apartments. Espe wanted these things, so we loaded a small truck and I sent Mica with Phoenix to NYC, to move into the apartment she would share with Alisa (aka Jameson, aka Rafael) her last year at Sarah Lawrence College. She also had a dresser that had belonged to her Grandpa Mike, as well as the sturdy wooden kitchen table we had in very small our first home, lovingly carved with the initials M.S. among other permanent marks.  She took the flowered hook rug from her room, another traditional carpet from our office and some shelves, and books. Mica complained that I was giving Phoenix all the best furniture. Also in the photos that Reggie sent was the head and one eye of what appeared to be Phoenix's silky blue bear, the college tag along stuffed pet sometimes dressed in pajamas from Build a Bear, and sometimes in a Sarah Lawrence t-shirt. He was a gift from her best friend in kindergarten. 

Phoenix moved into a smaller apartment in the Bronx after she graduated in June 2016.  She texted that Rafael's mom and sisters had taken her table and rugs because they helped them move. She said that Rafael was taking care of all the finances and decorating so that she could focus on writing, and when Rafael started selling origami jewelry on Etsy, so that she could focus on finding a job that paid enough for rent. She also rented out the red sofa to guests, and complained about the endless cleaning necessary, and having to share a bathroom with strangers.  We were coRantinuing to pay her medical bills, and sometimes her rent when she did not have it. She worked as a admin at a design studio for a while before quitting, marrying Jameson, and several months later finding a job at an online camera store. 

Rafael took the money I sent for Phoenix. He did not purchase plane tickets with the money I sent to Phoenix so that they could visit us at Christmas in 2017. He bought Harvey, their boxer. Then he wrote an email, pretending it was from Phoenix to us telling us that Phoenix would not be visiting us at Christmas because of "family history". I've yet to find out what this means. 

The events in the following story about the abandoned apartment took place in October 2018, a month after Rafael "convinced" Phoenix to begin making pornography to pay his bills.  His only "job" after this was marketing Phoenix. Currently Phoenix lives with Nica Mellifera, who continues to use them to produce porn, and who continues to have ties with Rafael, who claims to have "divorced" Phoenix. 

In 2018, Rafael also managed to involve Mica and Mica's girlfriend at the time, Michelle MacCalman in his "money making" schemes. He probably used threats with them, like he did with us, to keep us away from Phoenix. 

I’ve written this story before, because it all seems like a story, and it was critiqued as a story although very real, at least from what I know about our reality. 

In August Espe was expecting to do Christmas with us. In October she was excited to visit and hoping to have 4 days here in Seattle, when I sent money to her for their airfare. I was looking forward to surrounding her with home, love and memories, but a week before she was scheduled to arrive, that all changed with the email requesting no contact that we received, saying that we did not respect Jameson and she had to spend more time with her "immediate" family, and that she loved us. 

I sent these phones to Espe and received a text from her phone asking for the codes on August 31st. On September 1st, Espe said she did not have the phones.

Espe—When I sent an iphone 6s and a new iphone 7 to you in late summer 2017 with a check to buy new cases and offering to give you $150 a month to pay for a shared phone account with AT&T (because these were AT&T phones) for you and Jameson, why would your husband Jameson open an account at Sprint, buy a new phone for himself and give you the older iphone 6s?  Espe—you were looking for a job and I wanted you to have the new rose iphone7.  You seemed to have so little confidence in yourself and I imagined this phone would give you courage, like a fashionable talisman. You said you wanted the new phones when I talked to you. Then when I visited several weeks later I saw you were still using the iphone 6s. Why? You said Jameson found a better deal at Sprint. Why would he want a better deal since I had said I would pay the bill each month at least until you and Jameson had jobs? And what happened to the rose iphone7? Did he open the account only in his name so that several months later he could block my phone so that you would only be able to call Scott’s phone to talk to me? Who texted from your phone asking for the codes?  Because when I texted several days after sending the codes to ask if you were enjoying the new phones you texted back that you had not received the phones but would pick them up when you returned from visiting your mother-in-law on Long Island.  I've posted the texts here. 

And Espe— I got a text from your phone in November 2017 saying that you did not need our health insurance anymore, and that I do not need to send you money again for your hospital bills—so why do you insist on telling grandma every few months when you call that I have not paid your bills? 

Also, I was confused by receiving a Cease and Desist Letter in 2018 with your signature only on a second page and a list of untrue events like I opened a credit line for you, to support the included demand for no contact, along with a gloating text from Jameson saying that surely I had received the Cease and Desist Letter; because several weeks later you called when you were at your grandmother’’s lake house in Michigan with Jameson and your mother-in-law on vacation, and you said nothing about this.  Instead you said you wanted to talk to us every month. 

Why has it been so important to keep you and Mica away?  Have you been manipulated into doing things that hurt you or hurt Mica? What am I not allowed to see? Are you afraid that someone else will be hurt? Can you see it all now? Have you always seen it? 

I have been confused and angry and hurt, not just for myself but for my children. During this pandemic many of you have been forcefully isolated from loved ones but you can see them on Zoom or hear them by phone so that you know they are still alive and probably sane. But I have not had this kind of communication with either Espe or Mica the last two years. My children have been isolated in a way that is unusual and strange. Since the “beginning” when we received a cryptic email demanding no contact a week before Espe was scheduled to arrive for Christmas in 2017, six months after marrying Jameson, I have wanted to reach out, to talk to them, to demand an explanation. I thought it was perhaps “my marriage”, my sadness, that had created pain in our family these last few years. (Maybe this is my narcissism Espe?)  When Jameson said things about Scott and me that I thought were beyond belief and had me wondering what kind of person had Espe married, I was told to think about conflict, to reach out and communicate (we were blocked), to let it pass, to not further estrange them, that my children are smart and would be okay, that I should “lay off”, that what I say could embarrass them. I was told, “I don’t know your children well, maybe they want this”, or that publishing on social media will give unkind people a way to be vengeful, and create more pain. And finally, that the people with whom Espe and Mica are associating could be dangerous, and may have me “swatted” or worse. I was told to remember the good, the love, the joy that I had shared with my children during all our years together. 

I was told all of this but I have not heard Espe (in 2022 identifies as Phoenix with they/he pronouns) or Mica (identified as Manon she/her pronouns until 2018) say anything about a reason for the sudden and seemingly inexplicable request for no contact. I have not heard their voices at all. So I’m publishing piece by piece what I know, and the records I have, in the hopes that some of it will reach Espe and Mica, and that we can put together what I know with what they know and figure out what has happened.  I’m publishing on two blogs, varabyways.joomla.com, and www.varabyways.org and sharing on social media with Twitter, @VaraByWays, Facebook and Instagram, @pipervara. 

I’ve started many posts and letters. I’ve sent messages to Espe and Mica, knowing that they will probably never read them. 

I’m writing about what I know, hoping that some of this will reach my missing children, and that with the help of family and friends we can break the silence, try to help them if they need or want it, and show them our love for them. Because I don’t know what has happened, or is happening with my children, and I suspect that they have been harmed,  I hope that by sharing letters, posts, and what I actually know, by giving you all of my pieces, that I will have some answers and my children will know that they have been and are always loved by me. 

I hope that what I write will convince my children that I will always value, respect and love them, that lives are short and memories shorter, and that they can be whatever they want, with whomever they wish, but that I want them to be safe, and I want to be a part of whatever life they choose. I, however, will not be here for Jameson (in 2022 identifies as Rafael Mellifera, until 2016, identified as Alisa Ortiz, she/her pronouns), or ever welcome him into my house again. As he told Scott and the police in Portland when we called for a well visit for Espe, because she was missing, and she had recently been in the hospital,… as Jameson told us “I am not your son, and Espe is not my wife.” (Maybe he was referring to a recent change in pronouns?)

If Jameson is "not my son" then does that mean they are not married? If so, then he is guilty of extortion (he took Espe's money) and pimping (he prostituted her). 

So I’ve started this blog called VaraByWays.joomla.com. where I will be posting what I do know about the life in which my family finds itself.  I am not being disrespectful of any person (by whichever name or pronoun they are now known, and I recognize their identities) but I will try to avoid confusion as I write about them. 

I’m not sure what they have said about Scott or me. There was a letter posted to Facebook in the spring 2018 that we did not receive because we were blocked from Espe’s account. So they are clearly capable of saying things about us to others. This posted letter said that we did not respect Jameson, Espe’s husband, or her marriage, and that they were not using drugs. Twice in the last two years the police have been called—once because they had abandoned their apartment in NYC, and once because Espe was missing, maybe in Tijuana. The police asked “Do you know if drugs are involved?” and I said “No, I don’t think drugs are involved.” just trusting this posted letter, because that was what was said.  But it’s not true because we do respect Espe, and her marriage with Jameson. And twice the police have said that we should not give them more money. (During this time family and friends suggested that I not respond to any accusations, and that I not insist on answers, to keep “the peace”, to let them be.)

No conflict had existed between my children and me. Any accusations or “explanations” for their wish to have “no contact” with us, have been made to other people, or in the form of letters from Jameson, or posts, or texts.  I have not directly ever heard anything from Espe or from Mica. In fact, Espe said she wanted to talk to us each month in July of 2018, and Mica said that he would call, and Walt said that they did not think they would be apart from us for so long (whatever this means). 

But I could not listen to the advice from the police about money. This week, a checking account I have shared with Espe since 2010 was closed. Since the email at Christmas breaking off contact, I have not been positive that it was Espe taking the money I occasionally put into the account we shared, but I liked to think that she did have a little money of her own, and that she could access this account if she needed it. The bank cannot verify that it was Espe who closed the account or even why there was a note that said “bankrupt”. They are looking into this. Espe called her Grandma (my mother) last week, in one of the rare phone calls she occasionally makes to her, and talked about not having much money, and Izzy, my mother-in-law, received the text described below and then asks us if she should send money, and Mica has given up his service dog, Buffy, and moved yet again to a smaller apartment. So there’s money being discussed, and I fear that Espe may be placed into a position to earn money in hurtful ways. 

I believe this is the position in which Espe may have been placed in 2018, (You can’t see what you won’t see…instagram @pipervara) blocking our offers of support with a “no contact” demand, and taking away everything from her, so that they could controll and humiliate her, hurt our family, and gain access to a source of ill-gotten income. 

Sometimes I believe that my children have been threatened into silence.

Last year Espe told her Grandma, “All my money is gone.”  In March just as the pandemic was hitting, my mother called me to say that she had received a call from Espe, that Espe was in jail and needed money.  My mother said it sounded like Espe, but with a sore throat. So perhaps it's been Jameson calling all along and pretending to be Espe. He would call, pretend to be Espe,  and say that her mom did not pay her bills and that was why she was not talking to me. Was this just part of Jameson's scam to get Grandma to send money so that Espe would talk to me?  Because Grandma cannot call Espe and hears little about her, and she, like all of us, loves and misses her, she is vulnerable to being used as a source of funds. Jameson, Espe’s husband, told us about his idea that he would not work and that he would declare bankruptcy to avoid paying his school debts. Is this what happened? We tried to tell Espe that this was not right. But we were unable to have any more influence with her, because six months after Jameson married Espe, we were blocked from contacting her, or seeing anything about her that wasn't from Jameson.  

Early on I wrote to Jameson’s parents for help with the silence, and later for help to resolve the issue of their abandoned apartment in 2018. There’s more about this later in this blog. I have not heard from Jameson’s dad since the wedding in May 2017, but I recently received an unkind email from my daughter’s mother-in-law which I’ll also publish soon on this blog, Vara By Ways.

I'm angry.  

Many nights I wake up sleepless with nightmares about Espe and Mica. I have not abandoned them or forgot about them and I each day I try to figure out ways to reach out to them. My mother-in-law called me up one day while I was putting together beds for a Covid-19 homeless shelter and said that she had received a text back from Espe and/or Jameson (Alisa)  I said I could talk later, that Scott was not available and I was busy. She said that if I said anything she would hang up. She asked “Has Walt talked to you about them” and I said “No” and my heart filled with fear, what is it now? (I’m hesitant to ask Walt anything. He has his life to figure out and I don’t like putting him into a position where he feels he can’t be open or truthful. Our family is in a lot of pain.)  Mother-in-Law said “If Walt is not talking to you about them then I’m not either.” And, she continued, “Espe and Jameson want nothing to do with you or Scott.  Leave them alone. They are being safe and doing what they want to do. You are like a mother cat crying for her kittens when they wander off. I don’t know who to believe. You have no rights in this matter. You do not have the right to know why they are not talking to you.” 

So, I’ve started a blog called VaraByWays.joomla.com where I will be posting what I do know about the life in which Espe and Mica find themselves. I’m also sharing on Instagram @pipervara. Someday I’ll publish a story of Mother and her children. 

At this time, I do not want to create more hurt or make it impossible for Espe and Mica to talk to anyone. I want to break the silence. And I don’t want to have the regret of thinking I could have said more, or been more open, or talked about this. That I could have asked for help but I didn’t. 

My goal is to reach Phoenix (Espe) and Mica, through all of you, with these posts, and to put an end to this torturous silence, to tell Phoenix and Mica that they are loved, respected, and valued, and that they will always be welcome in my home, and I hope, yours too.

Timeline

Scott and I visited Mica in Portland at the end of that summer 2018, for a quick lunch to see him and Michelle and Buffy. We ate  at a picnic table outside a waffle restaurant near Division. I watched them walking down the sidewalk as they approached, Mica wearing the blue and green plaid shirt that I would again see him wear, as he ran from his house in February 2020, later on instagram, and still later, again on a social media site in 2021. Buffy, as usual, was eagerly trying to be friends with anyone passing by. 

At the end of August, I received texts from Mica asking about transferring his stock accounts to him, a request for extra money to pay for school books during his last year at Reed, and for repairs to his car, a mini cooper he had had for a couple of years. He and Michelle had driven the car from Atlanta in the summer of 2016, stopping to visit Mount Rushmore on the way.

In Atlanta a week later, I phoned Mica, as we had discussed, to arrange a time that he could be on the phone to transfer his stocks when I was at the broker's office. I received a text from Mica that said he did not think he could talk because he had left to go camping and would have no reception. I thought this was odd since he had initiated the request to talk. 

Is it possible that Mica was restrained from calling, or chose not to call, hoping that I would not sign anything?

A week after I transferred Mica’s accounts, we arrived home after dinner, and saw a mini cooper like Mica’s parked in the street out front. I thought Mica had come for a visit, but he was not inside, so I said it must be a car just like his, and I sent a text to him asking if he had a key to our house. The next morning we found a typed letter in our mailbox. This letter said that we had given Mica PTSD and he could not say the name “MOM”.  He said he wanted no contact with us and he knew this would hurt us. The letter also demanded that I send all his stock certificates to him, and threatened that he would take a restraining order out against us if we contacted him, or anyone about him. He said he would be keeping his new i phone 7 that was on my account. The letter also said that he loved us and appreciated all the opportunities we had given him. He said this separation would not be forever. 

I have not talked to Mica since having lunch with him in August 2018.